i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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