Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
