david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
