You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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