Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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