For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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