3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
