after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
