I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
