I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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