Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
