PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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