Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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