I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
