Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
