I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
