my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
