If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
