Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
