I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
