my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
