so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
