So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
