One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
