Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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