Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
