The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
