I accidentally had phone sex last night
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
