In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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