Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
