you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
