some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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