I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
People in love make me want to vomit
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
