ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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