community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
