i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Quick, to the slutcave!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
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