Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
