There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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