One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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