After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
