you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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