So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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