I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
