If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
