When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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