ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
