i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
