never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
