Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
