Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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