Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
