$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
