I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the condom got lost in my hair
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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