I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
