i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
