Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
