saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
