So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
