I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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