We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
