Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
