that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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