He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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