I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
