My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
