omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
