I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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