If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
