Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
